a day away from hari raya.. haiz.. still not really feeling it.. althought im playing its songs on my computer.. ya know.. its days like these that i really miss my gramps.. all those years of bringing me up.. meeting up to my every needs.. fed me till what i was when i was in sec 1.. bought me all those toys..

MY NENEK
the one who would always cry at the slightest info of sadness.. who would never fail to provide me with her delicious cooking everyday.. for teaching me valuable lessons that i will never forget.. for being there for me in those early years when i was really vulnerable.. they say, ull will tend to forget how they were in the past when ur really grown up.. i wont. as much as it is true.. i will never forget what she has done for me. atleast for now, i can still hear her voice. damn.. i really miss her.

i didnt get to see her even for the last time.. when she was abt to be covered in white cloth.. my cousins got to kiss her forehead... she her for the last time.. while i was across the island.. trying to leave the prize taking ceremony.. and they were like, "atleast wait till the GOH arrives"
i shot back at them.. "u think the GOH would even know me among all of them? will she even remember me?" i was close to crying. i held my tears back as i said all that. i still rmb that fucking teacher.. bitch. and yeah.. my nenek went off.. as i was in the cab.. when i reached.. her body wasnt even there anymore.

MY ATUK
the disciplinarian in the family. i hated him in the earlier years when i was still with them.. haha.. i still rmb clearly what happened. it was when i was VERY VERY YOUNG, apparently, my uncle, who loves to spend his time infront the tv watching wrestling, always watches it when im around.. my younger brother. was just lying beside.. sleeping..i tried choking him.. haha.. i cant remember what happened after that.. did he slap me or did he take out his infamous belt. haha.. who really cares anyway. deep down.. he loves me. i know. he was a great man. who brought up my aunties and uncles.. to what they are know.. its not easy bringing up a family of 6 early in those years.. but all of them turned out fine. and addition, me.

i got to see him. his last moments with us. all my relatives were there.. my cousins especially.. again.. i had to hold back my tears.. for my cousins i guess.. or partly i was to shy to cry..
he was also a DAMN GREAT COOK. maybe god realised that two of his most important angels are missing, thats why both my gramps went off.

Thank you gramps, both of you..
wherever you are.