HPB to ya.

aight.. let see.. as usual, i dont wanna talk abt the Os. cuz its coming alrdy.. why talk abt it.. so yeah.. lemme think.. i dont really know what to write abt.. lol.. hmm.. ahh.. yess.. i had this conversation with a friend earlier today.. He said that just thinking about poly makes him happy.. well, the feelings mutual.. me too.. den i added on, just thinking how to get there makes me sad.. lol.. he was like, ya.. den both of us went gloomy.. damn.. haha.. i thought abt it.. think of all the new level of freedom and independence when u get there.. like seriously.. although, the notion of the studies there is also of another lvl, its like a brand new start.. a real brand new start.. man..

and also.. this is just in.. as i was typing the above paragraph, my mom just came in.. my room was in a mess, as usual.. it was dark, i couldnt see her.. but i feel as though she was crying? well, its official now.. she knows that i smoke.. i dont know what do i need to feel.. sad? guilty? i know she s dissapointed.. and she s taking it rather well.. or maybe its just late and she s savin the ass whoopin for the next day? shit.. ahh.. sooner or later, all are bound of find out.. and really, nobody can do anything abt it.. stop me and ill get worse.. and i think abt it.. when she asked me.. why you smoke? i cant find an answer.
why did i smoke in the first place? dang..

Hari Raya's coming.. it wont be the same anymore.. my most beloved people have gone on.. and i know.. its not going to be the same anymore.. i miss my grandma and grandpa.. all the sacrifice they made, and i turned out to be who i am today.. i feel like shit right now..

ya know.. if you could just fly away.. just fly.. take off when u feel like it.. wouldnt it be great? its not emo ism or anything.. just thinking of it makes me wonder.. there ll be alot of things i can do.. and im flying off soon too.. not to another place, but another form of flying.. the Os..

if i could, fly away.. and i wont come back no more.. but id turn around, just to see you for the last time..

jeez..