There is something going on. Something weird going on in my family. I want to put it down here but.. i cant. Definitely weird. When shit like this happens, i regret not keeping in touch with them. Really. So far, the only time that i talk to them is only when we have those periodic meet ups for picnics and shit. Now that this thing is going on. I dont have anyone to blame but me, for not being able to talk to them. My cousins. My Aunts and Uncles..
Actually, i could and i want to.. but again, at the same time i dont want to. I won't be surprised if you wanna smack me in the face for being like this. I dont mind it either. I wont expect you all to understand this post either since i didnt state the problem at all. Just need to release it. Here.
Ive been asked to by my aunt, my dad ( my "real" dad ), my mum to try talk to this cousin of mine. But.. i cant. Its not that i dont want to. I want to. Like i said, now that this has happened, i regretted not being in constant contact with them. Especially this cousin of mine. I havent been talking to her. Ive got msn, facebook and shit, yet i didnt even sent like a "how are you doing" msg to them. If i'd call now, to suddenly talk about whats happening, to act all big cousin brother-ish. I dont deserve that, do i?
Its fucking pointless, to seek sense, or meaning i guess. In the end, im gonna do what i do best all this while, like my father. To just put all this in the back of my head, wait for update and act cousin when the time comes. How like my father? Haha.. i dont want to get into that. Thats my own shit to keep.
Its my cousin that im worried about, although i dont show it. Somehow or rather, if both my gramps were still around, would this still had happened?
almost fucking drove me to get a pack of ciggarettes.. what the fuck.