when wil happiness be on my side..

thats it ppl.. ive lost her again.. this time, as painfull as it is.. atleast ive spared her from doing it.. i jus wan to make things easier for her.. he still wants her.. i asked her wether she still likes him or not.. she says she dunnoe.. actualli, i wasnt planning to break up wit her.. but its because she said she dunnoe.. dunnoe means there is a bit of yes and no..so i think i should jus back off.. i broke off wit her.. i dunnoe if i did the rite thing or not.. but i ve done it in the best of intentions.. it would have been better if we didnt even start.. its jus so difficult.. i jus want to have a nice plain relationship wit her.. tads all.. tads all.. issit too much to ask?? sometimes, i reach to a point tt i cant take it animore.. and i start treating her badly.. i hate my destiny.. my fate.. it sucked.. sucks sucks.. i cant be wit the girl that i love.. its jus so difficult.. im cryin in silent here.. i jus dunnoe who to open up to.. my best bud, he is useless at this.. but frankly speaking, he was the first friend to see me cry.. not cry as soo badly.. but i really love her..its jus so painfull.. but i noe.. gentleman.. i jus gotta back off.. Jan, i love u so much.. but deep down.. if im not wrong.. u still hav feelings for him.. and im not surprise if u do.. because, i nver saw a couple tad broke off for more than 4 times.. he still likes u.. all along, i noe.. im jus a person who is there for u, but in the shadows.. tads who i am.. thks for givin me experiences tad i could nvr hav gotten from my "own kind".. i noe i love u.. but if it means not being able to get u but only to see u.. il be contented.. my shoulders can be ur support anytime.. im not really tad great a person.. i cant give u stuff tt u want but u dun wanna ask me.. i cant really give u protection because im not like them.. even if i do hav frens, we malays are lazy.. especially if for fighting chinese, theyll see wether its worth it or not.. ill be there for u if u need me.. im jus a shadow.. tads jus who i was suppose to be.. fated, destined ...