heyhey.. been awhile since i wrote in.. kinda busy.. theres alot of things to say.. first i was saddened by what she did to me.. but its also because of me that she did that.. i was sad.. frustrated.. i didnt know what to do.. in the past.. during our troubled years.. she used to be a mutilator.. because of her ex.. i didnt like it.. she did it everytime she was hurt by him.. she didnt wanna cry because of him.. and i saw it last time.. those cut marks.. damn him that useless bastard.. now.. shes with me.. i hurt her the other day.. because of my damn mouth.. i tend to joke too much.. but i didnt really mean it.. the way im writing now is not that im blaming her.. i just wanna shout a point.. Didnt we promise? that if we re unhappy abt something, we ll talk through it, together? Now that she done what she did to herself.. i see myself nothing less than that bastard.. fuck.

after that incident.. i didnt dare to joke much.. i still do.. but i promised her that i will never say out those words that made her do what she did..its just too fucked up..

maybe she dosent notice it.. or its just me.. im putting a fair bit of my attention to us.. i dont think she does as much as i do.. its not that im asking her to 100% all the way.. but sometimes, just the things i do.. maybe its just me.. that i think to much.. over sensitivity..
i feel sad.. i know she has her share of experience of teen love and dosent really give her that "spark" that much.. but it does to me.. she s the first, that im really faithful to.. i dont know how to say it, really.. she needs me to prompt her or hint her of what she should be doing..

she s not a bad girlfriend. shes the best one for me. all the above is what i feel of her in our relationship..
this is part where im suppose to i love her very much..
i do. really...