hey.. im on a one week "holiday" LOL! its actually more of a week of "home study" but the rate of my revision.. haha.. i cant say as much.. ive been real lazy.. blogging too. sometimes when the day is over, like 2-4am.. id reflect on what ive done for the whole day.. and it dosent look good. seriously.. i think ima grow fat at the end of this week.. ive been eating like a hell load of junk.. anyways.. i need to get back to that mode.. crap.

i think im not gonna do well for my Os.. really..
as for work. im putting it on hold i guess.. i dont really care abt money now.. so thats why im not thinking abt it much. ill work.. oh yeah.. but itll be little.. i dont wanna get tired and not be able to do well for prelims.. i dont wanna be like the past.. where ill regret for not getting ready and look at the awful result.. haha.. is it just me or my phone is dead? i havent been receivin any calls or smses for like a long time now.. its good la.. bill wise.. but hey, its does get boring sometimes.. haha.. i think its because of my new habit now.. i dont really entertain ppl when they sms me.. i used to enjoy havin long conversation on sms.. but now.. i just lost the fun in that.. i dont know why. now, ill be like

[ 1 message received ]
sender: hey, watcha doing?
me: nothing much. why?
sender: im just bored la
me: oh..
sender: so doing anything today? wanna come down to meet us? it dosent hurt to get out with primary sch friend ya know..
me: (i didnt replied.)

lol.

to the point that, it ll be a nice surprise to hear my sms tone being played. haha.. just what in the world is going on with me huh.. hhaha..
i guess.. things are not what it used to be. i pretend.. that its over.. that im done.. that i dont need that "shit" lol.. im not talking abt drugs or what.. that shit should know. haha..
i hate this. really.

i known shit wayy too long to be like this.. as a friend? im contented. not really. i dont know why.. i need more than that. looking back, it was stupid. to just walk away.. they say when u do it, u dont look back rite? well.. i guess that dosent apply to me.. now look who's got his ass bitten by reality.. miss that shit..

it gets really boring.

something stupid. here,


i cant piece the things together
with these eyes of black and white.
i tried my best
There is nothing i can do for you

The way i used to be
something touched my heart
something made me feel content
Did i understand myself?

i was never meant to hurt you
i was running away from the emotions i wasnt ready for.
but what am i suppose to do next time
if i dun have you to depend on

My folded wings
are just tired from the pure blue sky
i dont have to force my smiles for anyone
its okay to smile for myself

That lonely feeling keeps creeping up to me
A single candle burns still inside of me
can i really bury it all with empty words?
i dont even know anymore..

"its not really that bad.. its just missing."